The Jasper and the Ed
by Nosuchthingashappilyeverafter
Summary: Ever seen Pinky and the Brain? Well, do we really know what Jasper and Ed are up to when Bella falls asleep? I think it's time to take a closer look at their midnight activities...and see if they can really take over the world! Rated T to be safe.
1. Prolouge The theme song

**The Jasper and the Ed, Prolouge- The theme song**

I watched as my true love slept soundly, murmuring about cats. I heard my cue, a light rap on the window. I opened it to let my faithful sidekick Jasper in.

"What are we going to do tonight, Edward?" He asked, eyes shining.

"The same thing we do every night Jasper. We're going to take over the world." I answered matter of factly. I heard Emmett start to sing our theme song from the tree beside Bella's window.

"They're Jasper and Ed

Yes, Jasper and Ed

One is a genius

The other's brain is led.

They're vampires with spice

Their genes have been spliced

They're Jazzy and Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed

Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed

Ed.

Before each night is gone

Their plan will be unfurled

By the breaking of the dawn

They'll take over the world.

They're Jasper and Ed

Yes, Jasper and Ed

Their twilight campaign

Is easy to explain.

To prove their vamp-ish worth

They'll overthrow the Earth

They're Jazzy and Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed

Ed, Ed, Ed, Ed

Barf!" I rolled my eyes when he was done. We should fix that. But for now, I had already come up with a plan...

**A/N: OMG I am majorly hyper right now. So, this is a little bit twisted... Anywho, there's this t.v show, the pinky and the brain. They're mice, and at night they try to take over the earth. It's quite hilarious. SO! I saw a bumper sticker on facebook that says "What do you want to do tonight Edward?" "The same thing we do every night Jasper! TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!" Which is what the pinky and brain say right before the theme song. And this story just BEGGED to be written. I have to work out the theme song kinks...it's a spoof of the real one. Oh god...well, if you hate it, tell me. But it'll be hilarious. Think about it: Jasper, Edward and Emmett trying to take over the world? Oooh, I'm iching to write it! Me and my crazy mind... please consider that it is 1 am, so anything coming out of my brain at this hour is going to be down right insane. Sorry for the huge A/N!**


	2. Say Cheese!

**The Jasper and the Ed- Episode one: Say Cheese**

I climbed out Bella's window quickly, Jasper right behind me.

"So how are we going to take over the world, Ed?" Jasper asked me.

"I have a plan." I explained unnecessarily. I always had a plan. I was the brain in this duo. Jasper was more of a...pinky.

"Well, what is it?" He pressed.

"Oh, you'll see!" I let loose an evil laugh that sent the birds in the tree above us flying away. Jasper and Emmett exchanged glances. I considered my plan for a moment.

"Okay, well we need our supplies...hmmm..." I lowered my voice as I informed them on what to do. They nodded, and we each headed off in separate directions.

Jasper's POV

Cheese. Fifty pounds of cheese. Why did Edward need cheese? Barf! I headed into Bella's house, as quietly as possible, and opened her fridge. All that was left was a small hunk, not even one pound. Whatever, it was good enough.

Emmett's POV

Where was I supposed to get a slingshot? I ran by a plaza, and the new Walmart built there. Pretty lights! I zipped in.

"Hey, you!" I screeched at a shopkeeper. They turned around, frightened. "Gimme a giant slingshot, enough for fifty pounds of cheese!" He looked confused.

"Sorry, we don't carry those." He declared in a practiced tone. I stuck my tongue out at him for no reason and grabbed a baseball bat, throwing a twenty at him. It was good enough.

Edward's POV

My plan was coming together! I examined the area my invention would be set up. I had already chased away any bystanders. Who knew the CN tower was so crowded at midnight? Ah, Jasper and Emmett approached.

"Where are my ingredients?" I asked, looking at the bat in Emmett's hands and the tiny block of cheese in Jasper's.

"Here." They thrust them out at me. I just stared at them.

"How is that fifty pounds?" I asked in the soft yet dangerous voice I saved just for this purpose. Jasper shrugged. I turned to Emmett. "And how is that a slingshot?" He shrugged too. I sighed.

"Oh well, luckily I know how stupid you two are, so I brought my own." I pointed to the mound of cheese strapped to a slingshot, all ready to go.

"So...what exactly is the plan?" Jasper asked me, his smile returning. I smiled. I loved it when they asked that question.

"The CN tower. One of the Seven Wonders of the World. Our plan? We will knock it over, using this cheese-" I was cut off by Jasper.

"Why cheese?" I frowned. I didn't like being interrupted.

"Because we can very conveniently shout 'Say cheese'." I explained. He nodded. Emmett raised his hand. Exasperated, I pointed to him.

"What do we do when it's knocked over?" He asked. I sighed. The idiots!

"Build our own, of course! And this tower will send out radio signals to brainwash the world, turning us into their leaders! This cheese will help us take over the world!" I pointed to our catapult.

"Hurry, the sun is rising!" Emmett shouted, pointing. We rushed over to the slingshot.

"One, two three! SAY CHEESE!" I counted before sending it off. The mound of cheese rammed into the building...but...

"It just stuck!" Jasper complained. I groaned. The top of the tower was now a sickly yellow, and light was beginning to touch us.

"We must get out of the sunlight." I said, defeated. Jasper and Emmett hung their heads.

"We always have tomorrow night, Ed!" Jasper cheerily suggested. I considered that.

"Yes...yes we do..." And with that I began to plot.

**A/N: Like I said, one a.m. plus my brain plus Twilight Idiocy. I just find the idea of cheese dripping from the CN tower hilarious... sigh. Review, please! And give me ideas for plots!**


	3. Monkeying Around

**The Jasper and the Ed Episode 2 Monkey-ing around**

"No Edward! Stay away from the poor kitty!" Bella shouted in her sleep. I sighed at the insanity. What use would I have for a cat? "Let go of my monkey!!" Hmm...that gave me an idea. As if on que, there was a light rap on the window. I got up carefully, and opened the window for Jasper.

"SO what are we going to do tonight Edward?" He asked. A smile played on my lips.

"The same thing we do every night, Jasper. We're going to take over the world!" Emmett began singing below.

"The Jasper and the Ed, the Jasper and the Ed, One is a- OOWW!" He was cut off by a potato whacking him in the head, that I kept in my pocket for circumstances like this. We quickly jumped down to land beside him.

"What's the plan?" Emmett asked curiously, already recovered from the head blow. I smirked.

"All will be revealed in due time. But for now, to the takeovertheworld mobile!" We ran to my volvo. After a few minutes of driving, we arrived at a large metal gate. I turned and quickly filled my sidekicks in on their part in my plot.

Jasper's POV

I slid quietly past a snoring guard, toward a large room. Sure enough, just as Edward had predicted, there was a tubby man reading the paper at his desk.

"Excuse me..." I began. His head snapped up.

"This is personnel only, sonny." He told me, beginning to shoo me out. I pouted.

"But I need...help."

Emmett's POV

Silly humans, needing sleep. It made my job so much easier, and not to mention more boring. I found the man Edward had described, slumped in a chair, a rumbling sound coming from him. What was that? I made a mental note to ask Bella later. I walked forward, grasping the metal ring attached to his belt. He turned slightly, and I froze, but then he lapsed back into his noisy slumber. Silly humans.

Edward's POV

I watched as my plan unfurled before me. Jasper had the guard's full attention now, and Emmett was jogging toward me with the set of master keys I needed. He handed them to me wordlessly, and I turned and inserted one into the metal keyhole. The gate creaked open. I motioned Emmett forward, and we walked through the area, past cage after cage containing what could have been dinner. I arrived at the one I wanted, and smiled, raising the key to the slot.

"EDWARD!" Emmett all but shouted in my ear.

"What?" I snapped, eager to get my plan underway, for strands of light were bleeding from the horizon.

"What's the plan?" I sighed.

"We will unlock this cage, and release the monkeys inside. They will be enlisted in our monkey army, and take out our opposition, giving us free reign." I explained quickly.

"Why monkeys?" He asked curiously.

"Because when we're walking around, monkey army in tow, and someone disobeys us, we can say 'Now now, no monkey-ing around.'" He nodded, smiling. Turning back to the cage, I unlocked it, swinging the door open. But wait! I hadn't counted on! Aaah!

King Monkey the Third's POV

I watched as the blood-drinker explained his harebrained scheme to his companion.

"They plan to enslave us." I translated to the rest of the monkeys, who weren't very fluent in the strange words the blood-drinkers were saying. My right hand monkey snorted.

"Shall we show them we don't monkey-around?" I shook my head at the bad pun.

"We shall attack." I commanded, swinging to a high branch. The blood-drinker smirked at us, and opened the cage door.

"CHARGE!"

Edward's POV

The monkeys were suprisingly hard to get back in their cages. They leapt out at us, clawing and scratching. I now sat in the takeovertheworld mobile, thinking, trying to find a way to salvage the failure. Jasper came clomping back to the car, and took his seat in the back.

"So how'd it go?" He asked expectantly. I saw Emmett shake his head in the rear view mirror. Jaspers face fell, then perked back up again.

"There's also tomorrow night!" He suggested, and my thoughts turned around too. There was...

"Yes...there is...and next time we will not monkey around..." I felt the edges of a plan form in my mind.

**A/N: Lets try this again... this is the second time rewriting this... Anyway, I thought the King Monkey thing was funny. Oh! Monkey idea goes to DANGERvenom. Sorry for stupid mistakes, I'm tired and irritable.**

**I live in Ontario, Canada, not New York.**


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